It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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