woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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