do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Ambien. No doubt about it.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
