I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
