he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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