I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
