That's intense
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
