She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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