no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
