"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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