Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
