The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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