just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The adults are the big ones right?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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