One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
