Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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