I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I want her autograph on my taint
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
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I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
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My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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