Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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