Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
