For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
