So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
