i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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