first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
