My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
