And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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