Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
