stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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