i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He passed out mid-signature
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
