Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
barbara walters just said penis...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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