Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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