so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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