The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
