You just made me feel so damn special
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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