Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
