1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
