is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
