just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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