We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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