Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
