He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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