YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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