Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
