His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Everclear isn't food dammit
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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