I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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