It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I am available for nakedness
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
