glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize