It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
