yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
