If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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