Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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