if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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