Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
