my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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