He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I need to sanitize my soul.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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