An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
