Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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