oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
