I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
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I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
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I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
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