the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
