I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
