Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
