Me. At least after what I've been through.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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