I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
