there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
