I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
