I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
no you cant smoke seaweed
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
