Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
